Unbelievable. I don’t even know where to start first, because I can’t step anywhere without stepping in it, but I will try. Here are some random thoughts on some popular subjects, quotes, myths, and dumbass statements from last night’s “game”, the pre-season, and the season to be.

1) Pre-season games don’t mean anything.

This is a misleading statement. The final score doesn’t mean anything, and who wins doesn’t mean anything, but the games themselves ABSOLUTELY mean something.

Ask T George Batiste, CB Michael Bragg, DE Chris Harris, WR Brent Little, CB Marcus Maxey, TE Mike Pinkard, T Ramiro Pruneda, WR Titus Ryan and T Kevin Sampson if these games don’t mean anything. Ask Brodie Croyle if these games don’t mean anything.

The Chiefs scored two offensive touchdowns in four pre-season games. Two! Our 4th string scrubs couldn’t even get a couple cheap scores against their opponent’s 4th string scrubs in four games!

Two offensive touchdowns in four pre-season games is a new record for Kansas City. Much like the “32 Defense” of ’02 & ’03, Carl Peterson’s squads continue to reach new lows.

If this was just any other pre-season, it would probably not be a big deal. But we are coming off the offensively offensive 8 point no-first-downs-for-3-quarters It’s-all-Trent-Green’s-fault playoff loss to Indy. We ran out of town a good quarterback in a disgraceful manner for a Jonathan-Quinn-in-training rookie who isn’t good enough to be a 3rd string quarterback on the Falcons. We failed to replace two Hall Of Fame offensive lineman with anybody remotely competent, and we failed to replace or even criticize an inept offensive coordinator. But hey, who cares? We’re on HBO!

This pre-season, the Chiefs needed to prove a lot of things, to themselves, to the new owners, and more importantly, to the ticket buying fan base. Not only did the Chiefs fail to show any improvement, they’ve actually stepped backwards. Pre-season games really do have meaning.

2) We don’t show anything, we run a vanilla offense in pre-season.

What a load of crap. Apparently the Chiefs must be the only team to run a vanilla offense in the pre-season, because everyone else has found that Holy Grail of Grails: the elusive touchdown.

Green Bay scored 48 points in three quarters against Seattle, so they must’ve used their entire playbook of tricks, bells and whistles, right?

I guess Indy won’t be going back to the Super Bowl this year. They scored 37 points last week, so now everyone knows their playbook and can easily game plan and stop Peyton Manning. He won’t throw any touchdowns this season, right? What a load of crap.

3) Herm Edwards on the first half at St Louis: “It was a pretty uneventful first half. I thought the first group on offense did a pretty good job.”

Are you f’n kidding me?! A couple first downs, one completed pass, zero points, and you think they did a pretty good job? WTF?!

Herm even contradicts himself. How can you be “uneventful” and still do “a pretty good job?”

4) Tony Gonzalez will break the All-Time Tight End touchdown record.

Shall we set the over/under for this on game 14? Of next year?

5) Beating the Texans in week one.

Make no mistake about it, this is a must-win for the Chiefs. If they lose this, the Hunt’s should pull an “All The Right Moves” and not let Herm, Mike Solari & Peterson on the team bus and make them walk home.

6) HBO “Hard Knocks”

I can’t wait for this to be over and for the team to concentrate on football. Don’t you believe for one second when some one tells you they forget the cameras are there. I’ve been in front of the camera, and you never forget.

Has Herm ever met a camera he didn’t give a Lombardism to? Herm once said, “You play to win the game!” Really? Was this quote made before or after the Indy game?

7) You don’t know what you are talking about.

All these comments I have made are, of course, strictly my opinion.

Even though EVERYTHING I have said in the last two years HAS COME TRUE, I have never played in the NFL, so I must not know what I’m talking about. NO SOUP FOR YOU!