I’m having a difficult time trying to find a new way to rewrite the same column every week about the Chiefs offense, but here goes.
Chiefs 12, Raiders 10
Now that we’ve had a week to bask in the glow of beating the Raiders, it’s time to come back down to earth. I know Herm loves these field goal fests, but they will not beat the good teams this way.
Was 12 points good enough to beat the Raiders? Sure. Will 12 points beat Green Bay? Probably not. Will 12 points beat Denver? Maybe. Indy? New England? I don’t think so. I have to say things like this because those are the teams you are going to have to beat to win a Super Bowl. I have to say words like “Super Bowl” because that is supposed to be the objective of NFL teams.
Let us look at the point totals of all of the Raider opponents this year.
Raider opponents
36 Detroit
23 Denver
24 Cleveland
17 Miami
28 San Diego
12 CHIEFS
13 Tennessee
Anything stand out? Let us now convene to the study and we were will enjoy crumpets & a rabble rousing discussion of the point totals of all the Texan opponents this year.
Texan opponents
3 CHIEFS
21 Carolina
30 Indianapolis
26 Atlanta
19 Miami
37 Jags
38 Tennessee
35 San Diego
Just in case you are not a math major, or you happen to coordinate an offense and need further explanations, let me spell it out for you: We need more TOUCHDOWNS! Not first downs, TOUCHdowns. Believe it or not, you can actually score a touchdown without getting a first down. Last I checked, wins are awarded to the team with the most points, not first downs. (Solari was quoted last week aboot the need for first downs)
I am so sick and f*#%&^!g tired of the same old “Hermy Shuffle” song and dance routine we get from the offensive coordinator and the head coach explaining they did a good thing by scoring 12 F’n points and us stupid fans just don’t understand the nuances that the professionals employ!
Seven weeks in a row Len Dawson talks about attempting deep passes, and seven weeks in a row it has fallen on deaf ears. What in the blue hell does LEN DAWSON know? It’s not like he ever called his own plays. Or won a playoff game. Or a Super Bowl.
Dawson also ripped on all the motion crap the Chiefs use, as it’s not needed. Tony Gonzalez’s 17-yard touchdown catch had no motion. Gee, maybe it is not always needed.
Dave Rayner misses a chip shot field goal after a panzy 3rd down swing pass netted nothing. Serves the Chiefs right. If you’re not going to take a shot at the end zone, then you don’t deserve any points. Has Kansas City scored 4 touchdowns in any one game this season? What a surprise.
How aboot this for an idea? Let’s have Len and Mike Solari switch microphones for a game! It actually works pretty well for everyone. Len can speak directly to the quarterback and give him actual football insight with real plays and everything, and Mike can give his plays to the Chiefs radio audience and provide us with much laughter and entertainment. Who’s with me?
Even Bob Gretz was critical of the Chiefs playcalling. How bad do you have to be for Bob Gretz to turn on you? The Chiefs call a timeout with 1:30 left in the half and then calls three stupid plays lasting only 30 seconds. Why did they call time out in the first place? Good call Bob!
BOB GRETZ: “The Chiefs astutely and correctly called timeout before the Raiders punted (late in the first half) so they could get the ball back with time on the clock. But after watching those three plays, why even bother? If you’re that afraid to throw the ball, you might as well have just let the clock run out.”
Smart play by Eddie Drummond, picking up a punt after it was illegally touched by an Oakland player. (No sarcasm here, this may be my only chance to praise Mr. Drummond so I’m going to take it.)
I actually have no problem about the two point conversion try. The only time you should EVER go for two is in the final 10 minutes of the 4th quarter when it makes an IMMEDIATE difference in the score, and the Oakland game qualified. The Raiders scored a touchdown real quick, so it was not unreasonable to think they could do it again. It sucks we didn’t make it, and it almost cost us the game, but the decision to try for it was the correct one.
MITCH HOLTUS: “Well, there’s good news and bad news. The bad news is you’re going to the prom with Rosie O’Donnell. The good news is at least you’re going to the prom. An ugly win, but it is a win. The Chiefs will take it.”
I think this statement sums up the entire Herm Edwards era.
Game 8 vs Green Bay
Just like the Raider game, there will be some stats floating around that will try to point to a Packer win. For example: “Brett Favre has never won in Denver.” Oops! Let’s just try to ignore any and all pregame blather from the talking heads.
NFL Notes
Did anyone know that the undefeated Patriots are playing at the undefeated Colts? No one is talking about it. Weird.
Have you noticed that the Bears have only won one home game? (they are 1-3) Anyone care to take a guess who their only home win was against?
Is everyone else sick of the strokefest given to the Patriots by the national media? They go on and on and on and on and on about the “incredible numbers” Brady is putting up. What a joke. The only reason he is putting up those high numbers is because they are running up the score. 35 point lead and Brady is in the shotgun, still throwing all over the place, going for it on 4th down and scoring touchdowns in the final minute of the game. I’m sure Marino and others could’ve done the same if they had a classless coach.
Unfortunately, Coach Belijerk is putting a bullseye on Brady’s head. Someone is going to Charles Martin his ass and that will put an end to New England real quick.
Hermisms
EDWARDS: “I thought we’d be better than this.” (after the Raider game)
JD: Why? This offense has played the same all seven games. The offensive coordinator has called the same stupid plays for all seven games. Why in the blue hell do you think things will be different?!!
EDWARDS: “But we’re not. We are what we are …”
JD: Thank you Dennis Green.
EDWARDS: “Yeah, we’re in first place, but that’s not the key.”
JD: Uh, I’m pretty sure being in first place IS the key. But I’m game. Ok Herm, what exactly is the key? First downs? Time of possession? We know it sure isn’t scoring points or winning a playoff game.
EDWARDS: “It’s where we’re going to be in December.”
JD: And where is that? Losing a home game for the first time in 37 years to an overrated Ravens team? (Just substitute Titans for this year)
EDWARDS: “We didn’t pass protect very well, Damon took a lot of hits.”
JD: That is so surprising to hear that aboot our offensive line. They aren’t blocking any worse than they did last year, and our General Manager didn’t think any improvements needed to be made.
EDWARDS: “We’ve been finding ways to win games, It’s not just trying to outscore people. It’s not just shutting people out defensively. The mind-set of this team has to be knowing how to win multiple ways.”
JD: Uh, I’m pretty sure there is only one way to win, and it IS trying to outscore people. I know what Herm is trying to say, but he still sounds like a moron.
Q: What do you have to do differently this next half of the season?
EDWARDS: “Offensively, the first thing you look at is points. The second thing you look at is first downs, then negative plays, converting third downs, the Red Zone.
JD: I think this is the first time Herm has ever mentioned that scoring points is important. This is also the first time he has talked about offense without mentioning the defense. Is it possible that my long-winded ramblings and attempted witticisms are finally getting through? We know the KC Star reads this column, maybe some Arrowhead employees do too.
Q: Is this the classic Herm Edwards winning-ugly game?
EDWARDS: “You’re right. It was ugly. You could just tell in the first half - and I told the players that - that this is a defensive game. There was no doubt about it. The key is to keep them out of the end zone.”
JD: Ok Dierdorf.
EDWARDS: “I told them people are trying to figure out what kind of team you are. Every week you play something else happens and they wonder. I told them it’s real simple: you’re a team that’s finding a way to win. It’s called will. Let everyone else try to figure out what you are. That’s what’s great about the game of football. Everyone’s always saying they can do this and do that. It really doesn’t matter because at the end it’s all about winning and we’re finding ways to win. That’s a tribute to the players and staff. They understand that it doesn’t matter how the game’s fought; it doesn’t matter what the score is at halftime. What matters is that when the scoreboard is lit up we’ve won. Sometimes we’re going to win pretty, sometimes we might score 20 points and sometimes we might only score 12. It’s all that matters and all anybody cares about anyway.”
JD: Don’t you get the feeling that Herm has a Stuart Smalley moment every morning in front of the mirror?
Q: Do you see better things for this offense? It hasn’t scored a lot of points.
EDWARDS: “Yeah, and I think we will improve. We go in spurts at times offensively. We make a big play. Our problem with our offense right now, to be honest, is too many negative plays.
JD: I thought you just said “The FIRST thing you look at is points.”?
EDWARDS: “We get ourselves in bad situations with penalties and lost yardage and it kills drives. You get no flow on offense.”
JD: And why is that? You were given the keys to a Porsche and you trashed it.
Q: Does it start on the offensive line of scrimmage? You’re winning the line of scrimmage on defense.
EDWARDS: “I don’t know if it’s just that. It’s not finishing blocks at times, getting sacked or the running. Penalties become negative plays. We have to fix some things and that’s what the bye week is for.”
JD: Every time I think Herm has said the stupidest thing, HE KEEPS TALKING. Ok, so Herm doesn’t know if it’s an offensive line problem, but he does know it’s blocking (offensive line), getting sacked (offensive line) and a poor running game (offensive line). I think he’s right, I don’t know what the problem is either.
Q: You’re going into game six, so don’t you think your offense should be clicking by this point?
EDWARDS: “Yeah, but it’s not. So, what do you do? You can’t throw your hands up and cry. You’ve got to get it fixed and keep working. All you can do is work on it.”
JD: This is now your second season and 23rd game, how long does it take?
EDWARDS: “But we understand where we’re at. There is perception and there is reality and the reality is I know where this team is at. We’re a little short of where I thought we’d be right now. But we’ve got a lot of football left and if we can continue to improve in certain areas and make the plays we’ll be successful.”
JD: Yah, uh, Perception Highway runs right thru Reality Lane there, Mr Wordsmith. This is the exact same offense that scored 13 points in game one against the Bengals in 2006.
(On why Air Saunders doesn’t work)
EDWARDS: “When the weather changes and you go outdoors and you play that way (Air Saunders) it eventually catches up to you. In November and December when it’s rainy and cold and you can’t throw it all over the yard…”
JD: Except that now it’s September and October. So because it may snow in two months, we better play it safe now. WTF? Half-time adjustments you can sometimes make, but month-time adjustments you can not? WTF?
(On the new spike-the-ball delay-of-game penalty)
EDWARDS: “It’s a new rule, a good rule, so the players have to adjust,” Edwards said. “But the rule is a half-rule. You can do certain things. The league said they didn’t want to take the fun out of it, but it’s making it hard for the officials. … If a guy spins the ball in front of (an opponent), that’s taunting and 15 yards. If you spin it away from a guy, that’s not taunting. And if you throw it, it’s 5 yards and a delay. … The poor official …”
JD: ???????????
