For the past two seasons I’ve issued my report cards in reverse depth chart order, starting with long snapper and ending with quarterback. I did that for dramatic effect. There’s not much mystery in what I’m going to say about Matt Cassel though, so let’s just get it out of the way up front, okay?

QUARTERBACK (2010 Grade: D, Need for Upgrade: Critical): About a month ago, Matt Cassel rescued his neighbor from a house fire. When he was a kid, he rescued his dad after an earthquake. I’m glad he’s a good guy. My neighbor Willie is a good guy too. That doesn’t qualify him to play quarterback. Kyle Orton was only marginally better and Tyler Palko was a whole lot worse. I never imagined things could go downhill from Damon Huard, but they did. That there’s any consideration in bringing back any of the three of them is proof that someone in upper management at Arrowhead doesn’t grasp the importance of the position.

2011 Grade: F.
Need for Upgrade: Mandatory.

TAILBACK (2010 Grade: B, Need for Upgrade: Moderate): It’s hard to discern whether or not I should grade this position on a curve, given that the starter was injured early and the blocking was piss poor. For a backup, a role player, and a guy who should have retired a year ago, they weren’t awful. They also weren’t very good. I still like Jackie Battle and I’m starting to warm up to Dexter McCluster, but I don’t trust either to be able to shoulder the kind of load a tailback has to when his team lacks a legitimate quarterback.

2011 Grade: C.
Need for Upgrade: Moderate.

FULLBACK (2010 Grade: A, Need for Upgrade: Minimal): As in years past, I saw no need to upgrade from Mike Cox, but I sure was stoked when I found out Le’Ron McClain was coming to take Cox’s job. It didn’t pan out. I’d like to see McClain get another shot, but I’m not gonna mince words. He was pretty bad.

2011 Grade: D.
Need for Upgrade: Undecided.

WIDE RECEIVER (2010 Grade: D, Need for Upgrade: Critical): Dwayne Bowe, for the first time in his career, was given the chance to play with a healthy, NFL-worthy #2. Unsurprisingly, it helped. Rookie Jonathan Baldwin flashed a little too, and maybe with a proper offseason (and no locker room altercations) he’ll be able to match Bowe’s and Breaston’s level of production. The only thing bad that happened here was that Terrance Copper remained employed while Keary Colbert was cut loose.

2011 Grade: B.
Need for Upgrade: Minimal.

TIGHT END (2010 Grade: A, Need for Upgrade: Minimal): Once again, it’s tough to determine how harshly a bench player should be graded for being asked to do something so far out of his skill set. I contend that Leonard Pope wouldn’t have looked quite so untenable had any of the team’s plays been remapped to suit his strengths. On the other hand, it’s difficult to defend a tight end whose major weakness is his run blocking. It’ll be good to get Tony Moeaki back on the field next season, but the dearth of talent behind him needs to be addressed.

2011 Grade: D.
Need for Upgrade: Critical.

OFFENSIVE LINE (2010 Grade: B, Need for Upgrade: Moderate): I make no secrets of my admiration for Brian Waters. Maybe now his detractors will begin to acknowledge their utter lack of correctness. Probably not, but maybe. Still, losing a perennial Pro Bowler and getting no compensation for his loss wasn’t the worst roster move made in the trenches. I don’t know if Jared Gaither could have been made into a long term solution at right tackle. I do know, however, that he could have fallen forward at each snap and still been more effective than Barry Richardson.

2011 Grade: C.
Need for Upgrade: Critical.

DEFENSIVE TACKLE (2010 Grade: D, Need for Upgrade: Critical): Kelly Gregg was a major upgrade over Ron Edwards. Like Edwards, however, Gregg can’t be that far off from signing out. He played on less than half the defensive downs, and when he was out, the team usually switched to a two lineman package. The fact that Romeo Crennel opted to alter his base package rather than substitute rookie Jerrell Powe indicates to me that Powe is probably not the solution we’d like him to be. In short, improved production in a meaningless season is as meaningless as the season itself.

2011 Grade: B.
Need for Upgrade: Critical.

DEFENSIVE END (2010 Grade: B, Need for Upgrade: Moderate): The Chiefs struck a balance of sort at defensive end this season. The starters, Glenn Dorsey and Tyson Jackson, were among the best in the league at stopping the run. The reserves, Wallace Gilberry and Allen Bailey, are pretty damn good at getting to the passer. The overlap in skill sets is close to nonexistent, but none of the four is really a liability either. Gilberry was signed to a one year deal prior to last season. His 2011 stats aren’t as impressive as in years past, which means he’s not likely to generate significant interest elsewhere. Now would be a good time to try to convince him to sign on for a little longer.

2011 Grade: A.
Need for Upgrade: Minimal.

INSIDE LINEBACKER (2010 Grade: C, Need for Upgrade: Critical): In 2010, Derrick Johnson was the league’s premier cover LB. In 2011, he was damn close to being the league’s premier run stopper. Todd Haley made a lot of mistakes in Kansas City, but don’t devalue the transformation he inspired in DJ. I’m still not overly impressed with Jovan Belcher, but it’s tough for any team to be good at all 22 starting spots. If it means the team will address other more pressing needs first, I’ll gladly settle for adequate.

2011 Grade: A.
Need for Upgrade: Minimal.

OUTSIDE LINEBACKER (2010 Grade: B, Need for Upgrade: Critical): Tamba Hali and Justin Houston are the most.

2011 Grade: A+.
Need for Ugrade: Minimal.

CORNERBACK (2010 Grade: B, Need for Upgrade: Moderate): Brandon Flowers had a down year, at least by Brandon Flowers standards. Meanwhile, Brandon Carr played the position better than anyone else in the division, which brings me to my analysis of the Chiefs’ newest acquisition, whose own name speaks volumes. Stanford Routt: not smart enough to attend the former, not fast enough to cover the latter. I’m not sure I’ve ever misread a player’s potential as badly as I did Carr’s. Two years ago, I wanted him cut loose. Now, on the precipice of losing him to free agency, the thought of him playing elsewhere disgusts me.

2011 Grade: B.
Need for Upgrade: Nonexistent if Carr is retained. Otherwise, Critical.

SAFETY (2010 Grade: A, Need for Upgrade: Minimal): Nobody could have foretold Eric Berry’s injury. Anyone could have foretold Sabby Piscitelli’s failure. Sabby the Situation was the team’s eighth most productive safety, behind Kendrick Lewis, Jon McGraw, Reshard Langford, Travis Daniels (he was downright decent as an injury sub), Donald Washington, pre-injury Eric Berry, and post-injury Eric Berry. That’s right…. Eric Berry on a stretcher is more effective than Sabby Piscitelli in the flat.

2011 Grade: D.
Need for Upgrade: Moderate.

KICKER (2010 Grade: C, Need for Upgrade: Minimal): Who among us didn’t see shades of Justin Medlock in Ryan Succop’s first two outings? Likewise, from mid September through Christmas Eve, who among us didn’t see shades of Pete Stoyanovich? I have no question he’s the right guy for the job.

2011 Grade: B.
Need for Upgrade: Nonexistent.

PUNTER (2010 Grade: B, Need for Upgrade: Nonexistent): There’s nothing to fix here either. The only knock on Dustin Colquitt is that his brother Britton has a stronger leg. Britton’s kicks may be bigger, but Dustin’s are dirtier. He’s the punting equivalent of a junk ball pitcher: average distance, but awesome hang time, location, and bounce. He’s woefully overused and probably won’t last through the end of his next contract, but until he falters, I don’t want anyone else.

2011 Grade: A.
Need for Upgrade: Nonexistent.

RETURNER (2010 Grade: C, Need for Upgrade: Nonexistent): Javier Arenas isn’t the next Dante Hall. He’s better. Sure, Dante could find the endzone, but in between scores he’d spend a lot of time running in the wrong direction. Arenas doesn’t do that. His 12.8 yard average on punt returns isn’t the product of one really great return balancing out the three or four piss poor returns that preceded it. He literally averages 12.8 yards. That’s uncommon. It’s also incredibly useful. Arenas and McCluster split time on kick returns, posting nearly identical stat lines. Neither shone, but now that any kicker can belt a touchback at will, who cares? Punt returns are where it’s at, and Arenas does them well.

2011 Grade: A.
Need for Upgrade: Nonexistent.

LONG SNAPPER (2010 Grade: C, Need for Upgrade: Minimal): Wow, are you still reading this? The password is naptime, and the first person to message me with the password gets a free beer next time they’re in Wichita. No job in sports is easy, but long snapper is at the bottom of the payscale for a reason. A long snapper’s job is pretty simple: hike the ball to the holder or the punter, try not to get pushed to the ground in the process, and tackle a returner if he makes it past the first nine guys. Also, twice a year, remember for a full 30 seconds that you’re about to run a trick play, and consequently you’re going to snap the ball to someone different. Thomas Gafford doesn’t seem to excel at any of the aforementioned activities. For God’s sake, cut the guy already. He’s awful.

2012 Grade: D.
Need for Upgrade: Critical, relatively speaking.

COACHES. In the past, I haven’t graded coaches. I’m not about to grade the full pack, but to close this year’s report card, I’m gonna evaluate the big three.

Bill Muir: Muir was originally brought to Kansas City to replace John Matsko as offensive line coach. Matsko, of course, replaced Mike Solari. Matsko and Solari were both pretty good at that job before they came to Kansas City, and both have been pretty good in other cities since they left. Muir was never any better than average anywhere he went. To the contrary, at times he’s been pretty bad. This was one of those times. I’m not sad to see him retire.

2011 Grade: F.

Todd Haley: Bill Walsh will forever be remembered as one of the game’s all time great coaches. He earned that honor, but having Joe Montana sure didn’t hurt. The perception of a head coach’s ability is inextricably tied to how well his quarterback performs. Haley surely understood that well before he arrived in KC. With the Cardinals, he was a virtual unknown with Matt Leinart, but prospective head coach material with Kurt Warner. Haley was hired by the Chiefs 22 days before the Cassel/Vrabel trade. Would he have accepted the position had he known in advance that he would be shackled to a college backup? The answer is probably yes, but maybe with some reservation.

Haley’s tenure as head coach can’t be considered a success. By the same token, I don’t think it can be considered a failure either. He didn’t right the ship, but even with 2011′s poor showing in focus, it’s clear that he was at least cognizant of which direction he needed to steer. Herm Edwards drafted the core of this team, but Haley shaped it by salvaging the questionable careers of four years’ worth of 1st round picks. He made critical mistakes, as most young coaches do, but don’t discount the fact that he made Derrick Johnson and Dwayne Bowe not just better players, but better men.

Grade: C.

Romeo Crennel: Remember when the only way Kansas City could win against a good offense was to get in a shootout and outgun them? Remember when scoring 30 wasn’t enough? I’m getting good at blocking that from memory. I hope someday soon to be able to altogether forget names like Lew Bush and Monty Beisel.

Regardless of how awful it’s going to be to watch Matt Cassel play out his contract while all of the team’s good players get old, savor for a moment or two that Crennel (a) led this team out of the defensive Dark Ages, and (b) laid wood to Tim Tebow and Aaron Rogers. I like Crennel. I wish he was getting a fairer shake. In the absence of a fair shake, however, I will say that I don’t trust very many coaches to engineer a defense good enough to overcome an offense as awful as this one. In Romeo I Trust.

2011 Grade: A.