Thursday night week four preseason football is bullshit. Those last two quarters require a stupid amount of alcohol to tolerate. I chose to behave like a responsible adult, and thus I watched them while remaining sober enough to drive (highway patrolman standards, not P.J. O’Rourke standards). I don’t know why I ever behave responsibly. It hasn’t gotten me anywhere.
This group of cornerbacks sucks. I know I said I was going to moderate my prejudice this season. I don’t find that statement to be in violation of said moderation. Prejudice implies prejudgment. I’m not prejudging. I’m judging. A bunch of guys whose names I won’t remember in two weeks were giftwrapped an opportunity to dethrone Jalil Brown for the key reserve spot. Not a tall order, by my estimation, but they all came up Muggsy Bogues.
Across the field, the quarterback situation is a budding catastrophe behind a budding catastrophe behind a catastrophe in full bloom. But hey, lots of athletes change their stars at 30 years old, right? I’ve heard the Chiefs have good receivers. Likewise, Ray Charles probably heard that Salvador Dali was a good painter.
I could nitpick forever. It’d be easy to do with a team that looks as dead in the water as this one. That said, I remember the last time the Atlanta Falcons visited Arrowhead. The Chiefs, weak at linebacker, cornerback, and whatever other positions Jared Allen wasn’t playing, were supposed to be trampled roughshod by Michael Vick and Warrick Dunn. Instead, guys like Monty Beisel and Eric Warfield came up big, and when Priest Holmes exceeded his daily maximum capacity for awesome sometime early in the 3rd quarter, a lowly forgotten seventh round reserve named Derrick Blaylock pounded his way behind All Pro lineman Brian Waters to tack on an extra four TDs. Ya know, just in case Priest’s four weren’t enough.
I’m not going to state that Jamaal Charles and Peyton Hillis are going to match Holmes’s and Blaylock’s feat. I am, however, going to state that the only way the Chiefs will win is if Charles and Hillis come close.
It’s not outside of the realm of possibility. Charles is on plane with Holmes, and Hillis is way beyond Blaylock. They don’t have Trent Green’s passing attack to set them up, but they do have a line that’s not too far off from the wrecking crew that helped make Holmes and Green household names. This will have to be a more singular effort on the parts of Charles and Hillis, but I believe it’s one of which they’re capable.
Then again, if they aren’t, it’ll be Sunday afternoon, and I have no problem drinking on a Sunday afternoon.